Talks
by Liffey
Summary: Mac wasted once five years. MS DL. I still suck on summarys..Spoilers on S2&3.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I checked the whole house, but no Mac in my cupboard, no Stella behind the sofa,no Hammerback in the fridge, no Montana under the stairs and.. sad, sad, sad... no Danny under my bed. ;o) So I´m afraid I´ve to say...**

**I own nothing connected to CSI:NY**

_A/N:I´m not quiet sure about the rating, so I made it T to be save. Please read and review! Thanks!_

**1.**

Danny returned to the car while rubbing his hands together, because of the cold weather that had settled around New York City. It was only the first week of September, fall seemed to come very early this year.

"I think were done here, Mac."

Mac nodded yes and both men climbed into their car. Once inside the warmth, both allowed themself a short pause. Danny was thinking about their current case. Nothing really spectacular, just a well known dealer stabed behind the bins of a diner. Probably nothing more than a deal gone wrong. Mac, on the other hand, was thinking about something different, which was totally uncommon. If anyone was the living definition of the word focused, it was Mac Taylor.

But something had caught his eyes. Something a little bit further down the road, barely visible, but Mac knew perfectly that it was there. Or, to say it better, not there anymore.

His thoughts went back, to the various things that had happened in the last months.

First they had nearly lost Danny to a haunting ghost named Tanglewood. What if theyd tried and gotten after him? Perhaps, if his brother hadnt risked his life, to keep him out of harm..

He could have ended up innocently behind bars.

He had been waiting, day after day, waiting for Danny to break down. After what had happened, after that Tanglewood-case and after the things that had happened later as well. That day had never come.

Mac realized that he was a kind of proud. Danny had improved so much over the last year or two.

Then it was Stella. Well, Stella, shed always been someone very special to him. But hed always told himself, that it was more in a friendly than in a fallen for way. She would never stop to amaze him. From her file, hed learned, that shed grown up in an orphanage, which seemed to be a very loveless way to grow up, in his eyes. Yet, he knew nobody who was so caring and willing to give love to someone else. And vice versa she deserved to be loved. When shed started to see Frankie, Mac had felt strange, and it had taken him a while to realize that he was jealous. Plain and simple. She suffered so much through the hands of someone how was meant to love her..

Hed lost Claire and he was sure nobody would ever take her place. But after hed nearly lost Stella, too, hed realized that somebody had already taken her place.

Hed told Claire once, to move on, if something would happen to him, and somehow he was sure, that she would have wanted him to do the same thing.

Claire would always be his wife, he would always love her. But he was in love with Stella as well.

Perhaps this could be called a happy end to that Frankie story.

There hadnt been a happy end for Aiden. Beautiful and smart Aiden. Mac had always thought, that if he had to fire someone from his team, because he or she had behaved wrong, it would have been someone else.

But to fire her, had been easy, compared to see her broken and burned body.

After that, his nightmares had begun. They had haunted him every night. Sometimes it was Stella, than Danny, or Don, Hawkes or Lindsay, but the dream was always quiet the same. One of them was in gravely danger, and he unable to help.

And than, as if a bad dream had come true, Don had been hurt in that explosion. But hed gotten him out of that building, Don had been bad, but in the end hed managed to survive.

The day Don awoke again in the hospital, the nightmares had stoped.

Mac moved his head, so he could see Danny. Danny sat quietly beside him and was starring into the dark, thinking.

Mac remembered the night at the hospital. The night Danny and Lindsay had left together. They seemed to get along quiet well. Mac was glad about that, because hed feared that Danny would gave her a rough start, because she came to replace Aiden. But there had been times, when hed thought, that there was perhaps more than just friendship between them.

Well, lately they appeared to be more like cat and dog. Mostly they were busy to avoid each other, and Mac wondered what might had happen.

It had started when Lindsay had done that undercover job. Danny had been furious about it. Mac remembered well, how he stood in front of him und shouted things at him, you shouldnt shout at your boss. Mac had remained calm. Hes in love, hed thought, hes in love and probably doesnt know it at all.

To be honest, they had nearly lost Linds that day, which left only Hawkes. That thought gave Mac goosebumbs all over.

"Danny?"

"Yes?"

"Whats up with you and her?"

"Her?"

"Lindsay."

"Nothing Mac, nothing at all."

"It looks like a lot to me."

Danny gave a sigh,

"Shes just so pigheaded."

Mac gave a little smile.

"Says who?!"

Danny looked a bit insulted about this and after a while Mac went on.

"That night, when Flack was in the ICU, you looked pretty close."

"Drove her home."

It was barely a mumble.

"The whole summer, I was thinking, that the two of you were probably dating. But then, suddely it was cold like artic winter between you."

Danny gave another sigh. Mac knows. Sure, Mac always knows...

So why not come clear with everything.

"That night, after Don was injured, I drove her home. We ordered some pasta, we talked, we were afraid, crying, comforting each other. The next thing I know is, that we had sex. After this, we had a couple of hard and heavy days, but in the end, we talked in out and decided to give it a try.

It all went well, I´ve never felt something like this in my life. This wasnt about fun and sex, this was the closest thing to love, I´ve ever felt. Perhaps it was love. Some nights, we sat on the roof of her building, cuddled up in an old woolen blanket she brought from Montana. I swear that thing stinks like a whole herd of horses. Hell, I´m missing that smell."

He fell silent and after a while Mac decided to ask him.

"What happend?"

"I begged her, Mac. I´ve never begged anyone for anything. I begged her not to do this, not to go and risk her life. Shes all I could lost. But she never cared, she went in there and she nearly got herself killed. We went home together, but I couldnt sleep. I was thinking and in the end I knew that I couldnt do this anymore. I broke up with her that morning."

Mac simply started the engine and pulled out into the traffic.

Danny sat quiet and puzzeled in the passenger seat.

Almost a mile down the road, Mac stoped the car again.

Right in front of them was a wide open space. There were signs of construction here and there, but within all those skyscapers and other tall buildings, the space still looked empty.

Probably, thought Danny, it will always be a kind of empty. Even if theyll build something higher and bigger on it.

"I met Claire," began Mac and pulled Danny from his thoughts," when I was still in the Army. I was on vacation, home in Chicago, with my parents. One night I went to town, with some friends. There she was, standing in a hot, crowded and sticky bar. Still she was the most beautiful woman I´ve ever seen. We dated after this, but it was never really serious to me. I was abroad almost the whole time und I was telling myself, that she would do better without me. I was born to serve my country and she didnt deserved to stay at home, waiting for the day, when they would send me home in a box.

Like this it went for almost five years. Than the bombing in Beirut took place und everything changed.

She called my that night, God knows how she got a line, und we talked and talked..

Suddenly I realized what a fool I´d been. She was the love of my life, and there was I, to blind to see.

So after, I got home, I quited the Army and became a plain officer, later a CSI. Then we got the chance to move to New York. Shed always loved this city, ever since I took her here for christmas shopping the year we got married. Little did I know, that this city would kill her one day."

He paused, his eyes wandered off towards Ground Zero.

"But, Danny, you know what hurts the most? I wish I hadnt wasted five years. Five years nobody will ever be able to return to me."

He looked up and for the first time ever Danny saw something like tears in his eyes.

"Talk to her, Danny. Dont let her go. This might look like the easy way now. But believe me, youll regret it one day."


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Danny awoke the next morning and smelt something like vanillia. Eyes still closed he broke into a huge smile, as he remembered.

Hed knocked on her door, with his heart in his mouth, and when she finally opened the door, shed thrown him a very hostile look.

"I´m not in the mood for another argument, Danny."

"I´m not here to argue."

"Youre so better not," shed mumbled as she walked away, leaving it to him to close the door.

He sat down on the couch next to her. The same couch everything had started some months ago.

Both were staring at the ground, like schoolkids on a first date.

"Listen, I´m sorry.."

"Huh?" Lindsay looked up in surprise.

"I´m sorry," he repeated, but kept avoiding her eyes. To apologize had never been easy for him.

"I´m sorry, that I was such a yerk, I never meant to freak out, about what you did. But I was scared."

"Its my job, Danny. But I.."

"I know," he interrupted her, "I know. It was just.. I was just.. I was afraid. I just.. I felt helpless, Linds."

He looked up again, and met brown eyes that were touched and furious in equal measures.

"Youre not used to it, isnt it? I´m sorry, but I´m so not one of those girl you used to date before.

I dont need you, to protect my. I can look after myself very well."

"Sure," Danny felt a new wave of anger rush in ," And thats why you had to go in there, an nearly got yourself killed. To prove that Lindsay Monroe from Montana is tough."

Lindsay remained calm. She took a deep breath and walked over to the window.

"Okay Messer, "she said in a calm but trembling voice," I was a plain officer, in Bozeman, back then. I was the youngest within the team, the rookie, so to say. One day someone tried and failed to rob one of the banks. They raised an alarm and he had to fled. He tried to hide in the local kindergarten and took serval kids for hostage. The girl, that was meant to look after them, suffered a mental breakdown, and he asked for a replacement. To keep those kids quiet and all. A woman from Helena was flown in with a helicopter. Someone whod done this before, someone who was trained, you know. Over a wire we could hear what was happening inside. As soon, as she steped in, one of the kids freaked out, because, she wasnt the person shed been annouced for. We could hear shots and screaming and went in.

Five children were dead by then, two more died in the hospital. A lot of them got badly injured. That woman from Helena, well, we found her on the floor, a single shot straight in the head.

One of the kids that died that day, was the daughter of a friend of mine. I thought that I should be the one to pass the sad news to her. She was so eerie quiet and all. Later that night, the local priest let her into the church, because she told him, she wanted to pray. He was the last to see her alive, while she was kneeling in front of the altar. After he left her alone, she broke into the belfry, climbed the stairs and jumbed."

Her voice had gotten more and more heavy with tears, while shed been speaking. Danny stood right behind her, and when he felt, that shed finished her story, he pulled her into his arms.

"Theres no day," she went on, "when I´m not thinking, that it should have been me. The one that walked in there, you know. They were used to me, I taught them traffic lessons. They would have trusted me."

"But that wasnt your decision," he placed a little kiss on the top of her head, "So, thats the reason."

She nodded silently.

"It´s okay, but no more secrets."

She nodded again and turned around to rest her head at his chest.

"This is serious Lindsay, serious to me. I want to be with you and I want to be part of your life. With all the good and bad that means."

"What makes you so sure," she mumbled against his chest.

"Mac."

Lindsay looked at him thunderstruck.

"Mac?"

"He took me to Ground Zero tonight. He gave me a speech about notworshipping what I have. I think it was the first time since 9/11 that he talked to me about Claire."

"You met her?"

This time it was his turn to nod silently.

"Danny, " Lindsay said with a sigh, "I dont need you, to protect me.."

His eyes met hers, she could see fright in them.

"..but I do need you to love me."

And now, he was here. Eyes still closed and with her curled up on his side again.

He opened his eyes very slowly.

"Montana?"

"Wa-na-sleep" she grumbled and pulled the blanket a bit tighter arround herself.

"Montana?!"

"Thats unfair!"

Finally she gave in and opened her eyes just a little bit.

Danny smiled.

"Whats unfair."

"First you keep me up all night, and believe me,I can feel every single muscle, and it hurts. And now youre waking me at .."she looked arround in the still dark room,"..arrgh..even before dawn!"

She tried to looked pissed, but could barely hide a little smile.

"Just need to tell you something."

"Well, lets hope its something good," she mumbled and closed her eyes again.

She snuggled a bit deeper into his embrace.

"I love you."

She smiled.

"Love you,too... And now, for Gods sake, let me sleep!"


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Mac Taylor was awake, too. He was lieing flat on his back and stared at the ceiling. Every now and then, when his position began to feel unconfortable, he shifted carefully, so he wouldnt wake Stella.

He was thinking. What else. Thinking was his favourite thing to do, when he couldnt sleep. He thought about Danny and if hed followed his advise and talked to Lindsay.

And he thought about the woman next to him. Mac turned his head towards her, and gave a little smile. All he could see, was a big bunch of curly hair.

He´d visited her, the night that shed been released from the hospital. Hed thought, that she perhaps needed to talk about what had happened. Or that she would be afraid, to stay alone in her flat. He´d been prepared, to talk, to comfort her.. He hadnt been prepared for what had really happened.

As soon as Stella had closed the door behind him, their lips had found each other...

Mac had always been sceptical about co-worker relationships, but it had worked out more than well.

So, basically, Mac had nothing against another crime-lab-couple.

Well, he thought, with a little grin, as long as they would behave. But Lindsay was a very trustworthy person, in his eyes, and Danny.. well.. Danny would grow up sooner or later.

Mac had a feeling, that Lindsay would be a help in it.

He moved a bit, because his legs were getting numb, Stella mumbled something and pulled her blanket partly over her face. Mac reached out with one hand and entangled his fingers into her hair.

It looked thick, strong and a kind of raw, but it felt so smooth and soft. Somehow like Stella herself.

She too was a kind of hard, strong and tough on the outside. Stella Bonasera was a fighter.

But on the inside, she was caring and sweet. Stella wasnt a girl to have a crush on, she simply didnt fit into that picture of a princess waiting for a hero on a white horse to save her. Stella was a woman.. no THAT woman you fall for. Hard and heavy. Mac Taylor had been blessed enough to fall that hard twice in his life.

But then he remembered Claire and those cursed, wasted five years and Mac realised that they had never stoped to waste precious time. There was that waterball that was still somewhere on the attic. They had planed to take a trip to India for years. Theyd dreamed about white beaches and a crystal blue ocean.. nothing compared to the Hudson. Theyd dreamed about cities, even bigger than New York, about the culture and exotic animals. Claire had always talked about riding an elephant.

They never made it there, year after year something interruped their plans. Mostly it had been something connected with their jobs. His job, to be honest. Theyd talked about children all the time, but it had always been a laterthing. Suddenly Claire had turned thirty-five and they had realized, that time was running out. First theyd given up on contraceptives. Nothing had happened. Claire had made herself a schedule, showing goodand baddays in her monthly cycle. Mac had teased her about it. Hed been pretty sure, that they would succeed sooner or later. Eighteen days after Claire had brought up that schedule, a plane crashed into a building and erased every time or chance they thought they had.

And now he was here. With Stella. Stella, who talked so much about the pyramids and how she would love to visit Egypt. Stella, who would perhaps pass those beautiful curls, to a even more beautiful daughter..

Hadnt he been the one, that had told Danny to put a gear on, only a few hours ago?

And here he was, next to the woman, he adored, and bound in a promise, theyd given each other.

The promise to take it slow.

Mac gave a sigh. Damn it.

"Stella?"

He stroke her cheek carefully.

"Stella, wake up!"

She mumbled in protest, but finally, she turned hesitately towards him.

Her hair was standing in ankles that defeated the whole theory of Newton and there was a tiny bit of mascara left on her lashes, so that she had small black shadows under her eyes. Her lips were dry, because another kid in the orphanage had broken her nose once and Stella had to sleep with a open mouth ever since.

God, thought Mac, shes so beautiful.

"What?" she asked in a very sleepy voice. "The lab?"

Mac broke into a smile.

"No, I was just thinking about a talk I had with Danny today."

Stella eyed him through half closed lids. Somehow, that gave her a little evil look.

"Youre waking me, because of Messer?"

Mac was laughing, something he wasnt doing that often. Stella couldnt be mad with him any longer.

"Spit it out, Taylor!"

"Marry me."

"WHAT?!" Stella sat bold upright in the bed.

"Well,"said Mac sarcastically,"thats not exactly the answer I was hoping for."

Stella stared at him.

"Wait,wait,wait,wait... I´m awake, arent I?"

"I think so."

"And you just asked me, to marry you."

"Exactly," Mac gave a sigh, "look Stella, you deserve better. There should have been flowers, a romantic dinner. To be honest, I dont even have a ring right now, but.."

"Ah, shut up, Taylor," Stella interrupted him with a huge grin.

Than her expression changed. Suddenly she looked serious, and somehow very vulnerable. Something was glittering in her eyes. The single word that escaped her lips, was nothing more than a whisper.

"Yes."


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Donald Flack sat in the meeting room of the New York City Crime-lab and looked from his mug to Sheldon Hawkes, to Sid Hammerback and back to his steaming coffee.

"Messer and Monroe are late," he said finally.

"Lets hope that they talked it out," answered Hawkes," I´m not sure how long they can carry on like this, without ending up killing each other."

"What would you say, Sid, "asked Don, "Will they kiss or kill each other in the end."

Sid had a sly little smile on his face.

"Oh, I would hate the idea of having those two on my table.."

"Whatever," sighed Don, "I´m on that dealer case with them, and we should be reinvestigating that scene by.. now!"

"Stella and Mac are late, too," remarked Sid.

Nobody had missed the fact that they usually arrived together in the last months.

"Perhaps they went straight to a scene," said Hawkes.

"Yeah," laughted Don, "the Monroe-Messer-crime-of-passion-scene."

Hawkes stood up and streched.

"If you dont mind. I have an appointment with a lot of evidence."

Don looked once again into his coffee and pulled a face.

"I´m off to Starbucks, for the real stuff."

"I´ll give you a call if Monroe or Messer show up at the morgue."

Don turned and raised both eyebrows at Sid, who gave him a calm smile in return.

"Alive, Detective, of course alive."

_A/N: So, thats it. The end. Please review and tell me what you think. Did you like it? Hated it? Printed it just to burn it?_


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